Title: The Nymphos Of Rocky Flats
Author: Mario Acevedo
Book in the Series: Book One of the Felix Gomez series
Page Number: 264
Scale Of Realistic Detail: 1. This book promises a lot and puts out very little. Most of the sexuality in the book is way over the top… heaving breasts over sweaty sports bras top, but when it comes to the act itself we just get a sentence saying that the characters are banging now with no detail.
Is Anyone Involved A Virgin?: No
Is Anyone Involved A Magical Creature?: A vampire and a dryad
Is It Consensual: Yes
Is It A Plot Device: No. This one is odd because the plot centers on a mysterious outbreak of nymphomania. You think with a plot like that there would be more than one bang in the book or that it would be plot related but no this was just to set up the love interest for further books in the series (Please for the love of god don’t make me read them).
Kinks Involved: In the act itself; biting. In the book in general Controlling women, hypnotism, blood letting, public acts
Bangs Per Book: 1
Did You Feel Dirty For Reading This?: Yes, in a very sad hollow way. This was supposed to be just a fun palate cleanser for me and with a title like that I thought it would be a good case study if nothing else. This book is a let down in so many ways. It has interesting ideas. Hell, it manages to connect vampires, Area 51, nymphomania outbreaks, dryads, and chakras. That’s quite a feat and it all vaguely makes sense. It’s just a let down in that it doesn’t deliver on any of it’s promises. It’s not fun and it’s definitely not sexy. This book is the made for late night tv version of a teenager bragging to his friends that he totally got laid.
Hunting Ground
Title: Hunting Ground
Author: Patricia Briggs
Book in the Series: Book 2 in the Alpha and Omega Series
Page Number: 218 (foreplay starts on 217)
Scale Of Realistic Detail: 4. So the one actual bang in this book isn’t super detailed but the foreplay and aftercare described in other sections are specifically when it comes to healthy depictions of working through intimacy issues when one partner has been sexually abused. I will personally vouch for page 235-237 being good practice for breaking through triggers (although I tend not to describe things in wolf terms).
Is Anyone Involved A Virgin?: Nope.
Is Anyone Involved A Magical Creature?: Both partners are werewolves
Is It Consensual: Yes, in a very good way.
Is It A Plot Device: No. It’s important to character building and the overall theme of growing with your partner to become stronger but not necessarily plot essential. The book would be lesser for it though since it does give the characters a chance to grow closer and talk about questionable parts of their relationship.
Kinks Involved: Biting, submission, self restraint, Women in control
Bangs Per Book: 1 confirmed
Did You Feel Dirty For Reading This?: No, even through this book gave more detail to the sexual lives of the characters it didn’t feel dirty at all. I think it’s because the sex between them is used as a medium for growth, healing, and character development instead of “hey look at this isn’t it hot”. This book is much like the first in that the plot is interesting but the true story is how these two characters grow and help each other. I would definitely recommend this book to anyone who has been through sexual abuse, it can be triggering in some places but, the aftercare described and the amount of attention given to the needs and triggers of the main character can be very cathartic.
Cry Wolf
Title: Cry Wolf
Author: Patricia Briggs
Book in the Series: Book 1 in the Alpha and Omega Series (technically the series starts in the side story from an anthology so I recommend starting with that before reading this book. It also is in the same world and shares characters with the Mercy Thompson series)
Page Number: Foreplay starts on 114 actual banging on pg 116
Scale Of Realistic Detail: Aside from the super human strength ripping through clothes and one of the characters unresolved intimacy issues not being a problem for two pages but coming back immediately after this I’d give it a 4 out of 5.
Is Anyone Involved A Virgin?: No
Is Anyone Involved A Magical Creature?: Both are werewolves. Seriously, what is it with the werewolf thing?!
Is It Consensual: Yes. There are some issues with one of the characters having a history of abusive so having her consent enthusiastically to this is pretty nice.
Is It A Plot Device: Yes? So, these two are a mated pair and to seal their mystical bond they need to bang… it doesn’t work but brings them closer. It’s another one of those strange situations where even though there is a lot going on action wise and the “plot” of the book is the action the story that’s actually being focused on is their growing relationship. The fights and drama and having to defeat an evil witch are pretty much framework to explore how these two start to open up to each other.
Kinks Involved: Biting, Ripped clothes
Bangs Per Book: 3
Did You Feel Dirty For Reading This?: No. It’s a fairly straight forward urban fantasy. It’s not overly sexualized, if anything they spend more time on emotional care and relationship building than the sexy stuff and I quite enjoy that. I will give it props for the one Big Bang in the book taking 2 pages for foreplay. It was also nice to see a rushed but mostly realistic depiction of someone recovering from sexual abuse and working to form a healthy relationship. The only thing that made me feel dirty was that the last bang in the book (pg 293) is a pair of secondary characters including the Dad of the male lead. That’s a little weird. I understand why it’s in there and helps to give that character a little depth but it’s still a little awkward.
Red Hood’s Revenge
Title: Red Hood’s Revenge
Author: Jim C. Hines
Book in the Series: Book 3 in the Princess Series
Page Number: pg 243, first bang in the present tense by a main character and it’s gay so that’s a thing
Scale Of Realistic Detail: 2, as is usual with this author there is no real description of the sex itself, just a statement that it’s happening and that one of the other characters can smell it which is kinda weird.
Is Anyone Involved A Virgin?: No, they’re reunited lovers so even though we don’t know anything else we know they’ve been banging before.
Is Anyone Involved A Magical Creature?: No. One is a fairy cursed human which is pretty close but no dice.
Is It Consensual: Yep, although it’s kinda awkward since one of them is gravely injured. Like seriously, you couldn’t wait until other characters stopped commenting on whether or not the injured one might die to bang?
Is It A Plot Device: No, just a dirty little footnote. The closest it gets to plot is trying to add some drama into the mix by hinting at jealousy by a straight character at the lesbian couple who are banging.
Kinks Involved: Lesbians (note: I’m counting this as a kink specifically because of how the author frames it. I seriously think he’s got something since he keeps putting lesbians in everything but he seems to not understand how to write them as anything other than a gimmick)
Bangs Per Book: 1
Did You Feel Dirty For Reading This?: Yep. It’s just getting worse. I’ve enjoyed other books by Jim C. Hines but this series is killing me. The problems with awkward lesbian tropes are getting worse and the potential jealousy subplot is really cringey. The author has noted in exposition that the country that the “jealous” straight friend comes from is homophobic which would be something that you could build a deeper emotional story off of if this was actually leading toward her examining her own sexuality but, sadly we just get a lot of drama with no substance and a quick “it’s totally not like that I just don’t want to be the only single one in the group”. I don’t expect depth from this author, his books are fun, fast, and very fantastical (realism has to go sit on the bench while the characters play which is great in fantasy but even the relationships between the characters are unrealistic), I just wish there was some because with even a little bit more understanding on the author’s part the pieces that are making me uncomfortable with how exploitive they feel could be used to examine the world and the characters more and raise the work up as a whole. But what do I know? I’m just a weirdo who’s counting how much they bang.
The Parasol Protectorate: Series Recap
The Parasol Protectorate
By Gail Carriger
Number of Books in Series: 5
Number of Books They Bang In: 4
Overall Bangs In Series: 15.5
Series Average of Bangs Per Book: 3.1
Do Supernatural Characters Bang In the Series?: Yes, werewolves, a lot. Like pretty constantly. Oddly enough while vampires exist in this series and do have relationships that are talked about, there is no explicit banging.
Are Different Sexualities Depicted In The Series?: Yes, the majority of secondary characters in these books are Queer.
If Present Do They Get To Bang?: YES! I’m so excited about this. While the majority of the series focuses on one heterosexual couple and their relationship we do get insights into the relationships of the queer characters and a couple of very sweet bangs
Number of Partners: 1. Main couple hooks up in book 1 and is monogamous. Secondary couple has mentions of previous partners but only bangs written about are with each other.
Final Thoughts and Recommendations: If you like like light and fluffy books with a side of spice this is a good series. It’s got enough science, action, and intrigue to keep you invested with enough focus on relationships and emotions to keep the characters relatable. It’s a smart steampunk fantasy mixed with a soap opera that writes within the heads of the characters so well that you might miss the alternate science and history the world is built on being dropped into the story because it’s so seamless. I wanted to hate this series when I first picked it up because I thought it was going to be just another badly written fanfic-ish romance disguised as a fantasy novel to make it marketable but I was completely wrong. It’s got wit and heart. I honestly like it and the characters even though by all means I shouldn’t. If my awkward descriptions of it seem like your thing pick it up and check it out. If you like it there are multiple series written within the same world with some of the characters making cameos.
Timeless
Title: Timeless
Author: Gail Carrier
Book in the Series: Book 5 of the Parasol Protectorate
Page Number: pg 80, first bang for secondary characters in the entire series pg 177
Scale Of Realistic Detail: 4, Same as usual, high on descriptive foreplay but not much goods on the dirty deeds themselves. I will say that I’m really happy at the same detail and affection being given to the queer secondary characters in this series as the main straight couple.
Is Anyone Involved A Virgin?: Nope.
Is Anyone Involved A Magical Creature?: Werewolves again but this time there is a secondary werewolf on werewolf couple so that’s a first.
Is It Consensual: Yep
Is It A Plot Device: No. Back to the banging being used as relationship building and chances for exposition that is common in this series.
Kinks Involved: Werewolves (I think I’m counting those as a separate fetish now from how common it is), Gay Relationships, Biting
Bangs Per Book: 6
Did You Feel Dirty For Reading This?: No, I actually felt resigned to the fact that I enjoy this series. I am extremely happy and excited that the queer secondary characters were finally given a chance to shine in this book and have relationships with each other that aren’t just hinted at or mentioned in passing. Those two bangs made up for all of my misgivings about this series, they were sweet, well-written, and showed a good development between two characters that while having other lovers in the series we never got to know them as much or see how they feel. The speed of the hookup was a little rushed compared to how the straight main characters took an entire book and these guys had minimal interaction and then one big “I guess my respect has turned to something else” moment. I know I’m going to regret these praises later if I ever get the fortitude to tackle all the side series by this author especially since the couple I’ve been praising has their own book that is marked specifically as a romance (instead of steampunk fantasy like the rest of the series) called Romancing The Werewolf.
Blameless
Title: Blameless
Author: Gail Carriger
Book in the Series: Book 3 of the Parasol Protectorate
Page Number: pg 355, very last page in the book, good job book, well played
Scale
Of Realistic Detail: 4 not much detail but all pretty realistic. It’s a
nice touch that almost all of the bangs in these books now involve at
least a page of foreplay
Is Anyone Involved A Virgin?: No
Is Anyone Involved A Magical Creature?: Werewolf again, and always they’re married and very monogamous
Is It Consensual: Yes
Is
It A Plot Device: No, although now their previous sex has become plot
related through assassination attempts and plots in the series being
directly related to the main character’s pregnancy.
Kinks Involved: Pregnancy
Bangs Per Book: 1
Did
You Feel Dirty For Reading This?: Nope, actually I felt a lot more
comfortable this time even though there’s a lot of stuff in this book
that wouldn’t normally be my thing. The series seems to have finally
found it’s stride with a bigger emphasis on plot and action. There is no
banging at all in book 4 so I’ll see you for book 5 and the series
recap stats.
Changeless
Title: Changeless
Author: Gail Carriger
Book in the Series: Book 2 of the Parasol Protectorate
Page Number: 1st mention of banging pg 5, the good stuff pg 55. I will give this book props for leading off the banging with three pages of good foreplay.
Scale Of Realistic Detail: 4, Aside from one character being a werewolf and both characters being extremely sex obsessed, it’s pretty realistic albeit a bit heavy on the kink and fantasy.
Is Anyone Involved A Virgin?: Nope
Is Anyone Involved A Magical Creature?: Werewolf banging forever in this series
Is It Consensual: Very
Is It A Plot Device: Nope
Kinks Involved: For uptight victorian characters these guys sure love to get weird. Biting, scratching, and a lot of clothing fetishes. May I recommend a very nice fantasy involving riding boots on pg 280
Bangs Per Book: 5 confirmed 1 questionable but I’m pretty sure they banged
Did You Feel Dirty For Reading This?: Much like the last book I didn’t really feel dirty for reading it but more for people knowing I read this sort of stuff. A lot of the series isn’t my thing and I like the action and intrigue more than the romance but I will admit Gail Carriger knows how to write some juicy content that’s enjoyable for people who want it and not completely distracting for those who don’t.
Books in which they do not Bang
I’m still debating on how to address the rare occurrences in which I manage to find a book in which no one bangs. Oddly enough the ones with the most salacious set ups or characters putting great importance on getting laid are the books that sadly do not put out. I’m torn between throwing and handful of confetti and shouting “Congratulations!” when I finish a book like this or just setting it to the side gratefully before getting back down to business.
As of now these books will be listed here mostly for stat keeping purposes (at the end of the year I’ll total up how many books I read and how many of them involved banging). If the book in question is part of a series in which banging in involved in other books I’ll mention it in the overall stats for the series.
Here we go:
Never After, by Rebecca Lickis
(Lots of importance placed on virginity, tons of flirting and coupling up but no actual deeds done)
The Princes Of The Golden Cage, by Nathalie Mallet
(Main character spends most of the book whining about not getting sex and then surprisingly does not get sex. This is one of the books I was expecting to be a bang fest but it’s painful to listen to this guy talking about how much he wishes it was a bangfest.)
Heartless (Book 4 of the Parasol Protectorate), By Gail Carriger (Main Character spends most of the book 8 months pregnant so no banging for her and the secondary characters aren’t banging either. Odd sidenote: I keep finding this book shelved in the Romance section in various bookstores even though I would say this is definitely not romantic)
The Shapechanger’s Wife, by Sharon Shinn
(No banging but it’s heavily implied that two men have banged a transmogrified tree)
Expecting Someone Taller, by Tom Holt
(Lots of emphasis on love and forswearing it, which is expected for a Ring Cycle modernization/continuation no banging though)
The Snow Queen’s Shadow (Book 4 of the Princess Series), by Jim C. Hines
(Lots of eyebrow waggling and implication in the epilogue but everything happens off page and is only heavily implied so I can’t count this book.)
The Automatic Detective, by A. Lee Martinez
(A wonderful retro-futurist noir that’s fast paced and fun without all that pesky femme fatal focus. No banging involved but there are moments of fun romantic tension between a robot and an implied technophile hinting at a possible romantic future but in a completely asexual way.)
Soulless
Title: Soulless
Author: Gail Carriger
Book in the Series: Book 1 in The Parasol Protectorate
Page Number: Quick Handy on pg 288 but the Big Bang is put off until pg 355
Scale Of Realistic Detail: 4, the most unbelievable parts are how someone could get a proper victorian lady out of all of her clothes quickly in a moving carriage and how her partner stays clothed.
Is Anyone Involved A Virgin?: Yes
Is Anyone Involved A Magical Creature?: Yep, head of the werewolf pack.
Is It Consensual: Very
Is It A Plot Device: No? It’s not essential to the plot but the relationship between the two characters overrides the plot for most of the book to the point where they actually get distracted from trying to escape the bad guys by arguing about whether or not they’re going to have sex.
Kinks Involved: Endytophilia (CMNF)
Bangs Per Book: I’ll set the count at 2.5 since there’s definitely two full encounters and a rushed hand job.
Did You Feel Dirty For Reading This?: Slightly. It’s definitely steampunk smut and it does little to disguise that fact. It’s odd in that while it’s more chaste than a lot of other fantasy novels due to following strict guidelines about proper Victorian behavior and has a low bang count, when they get down to it it’s pretty “steamy”. I feel more dirty for people knowing I read this than for actually reading it.
Bang For Your Books 