Bang For Your Books

Title: Pandora Drive
Author: Tim Waggoner
Book in the Series: Stand Alone Linked With other books by this Author
Page Number: 96 (reverse nice?)
Scale Of Realistic Detail: 0… shotgun blowjob… there is not a gun involved. Yes, I mean exactly the words I said. It’s a highly awkward realistic blowjob until he imagines his “member” being a shotgun and BANG. It does not get any more realistic than that only more horrific where I think if I wasn’t already asexual this book would have finished the job.
Is Anyone Involved A Virgin?: Not in the consummated sex acts but there is a literal child who is in danger throughout most of the book.
Is Anyone Involved A Magical Creature?: Depends on how we want to define magical creature here. All characters engaging in sex acts in this book are technically human but warped by the power that makes all things they imagine real so yes if you imagine something horrific and non-human you can and probably will become that.
Is It Consensual: The first act in the book starts out as consensual but quickly crosses the line. Every other instance explicitly mentioned in the text is distinctly non-consensual in the most horrific ways possible. Two implied bangs that are consensual happen between the pages but one of which the author seems inconsistent on whether or not the characters actually went all the way to third base.
Is It A Plot Device: This one is another one where surprisingly this text blurs the line. I would be tempted to say no but most of the sex acts in the book are directly tied to the main plot by being linked to the horror of the wish fulfilling powers that are the driving force of the story
Kinks Involved: I wouldn’t even say kinks in this case… if you think Clive Barker books are too soft and subtle when it comes to sexual horror then this book is for you. You have r*pe, emasculation, beastiality (bug woman), sexual body horror, and so much more. If you have any sensitivities involving sexual trauma/situations body horror etc. just do not read this book.

Bangs Per Book: 3 that are described in detail in the text. Count goes up significantly to the point where I don’t really feel comfortable making the call if we add what is implied into that.
Did You Feel Dirty For Reading This?: Yes. I remembered picking up a copy of this book years ago because I enjoyed some of the author’s other books (specifically a sci-fi zombie detective noir which had really cool world building and was fun). I remember thinking it was a little much and then forgetting about it. Reading it again… I honestly wish I hadn’t. It has the author’s interesting ideas that are a hallmark of his work but it goes way too much into the sexual based horror in a way that is way too gratuitous for me to feel fully comfortable with. It may be someone else’s jam but definitely not mine and the intense descriptions of characters lusting after minors in the book make you feel sick to read, which is definitely part of the intention, it just crosses the line when it happens constantly sometimes for up to 20 pages at a time instead of just once or twice to show the true horror of the situation. I do enjoy some of this author’s work but I would never recommend this book to anyone but the most jaded b movie horror fan looking for their next hit of something truly depraved.

Title: Kitty And The Dead Man’s Hand
Author: Carrie Vaughn
Book in the Series: Book 5 of the Kitty Norville Series.
Page Number: pg 62
Scale Of Realistic Detail: 3, now that the characters are settled down together we mostly just get a little bit of light flirting and then a one sentence euphemism for each bang.
Is Anyone Involved A Virgin?: No
Is Anyone Involved A Magical Creature?: Both werewolves
Is It Consensual: Yep, lots and lots of we’re so happy we’re the otp and getting married sex.
Is It A Plot Device: No.
Kinks Involved: Werewolves, the only unusual thing is the emphasis on scent making characters jealous and want to bang
Bangs Per Book: 4
Did You Feel Dirty For Reading This?: Nope, the sex in these books is just becoming window dressing. There’s nothing overdone or salacious about it the way there is in some series and it doesn’t feel shoved in to make the books more “adult” either. It’s just written in as something natural that happens to the characters in between plot points and that’s fine with me.

Title: Kitty And The Silver Bullet
Author: Carrie Vaughn
Book in the Series: Book 4 of the Kitty Norville Series
Page Number: 68
Scale Of Realistic Detail: 3, no real description just a bit of light flirting and a euphemism.
Is Anyone Involved A Virgin?: No.
Is Anyone Involved A Magical Creature?: Both are werewolves
Is It Consensual: Yes
Is It A Plot Device: Nope
Kinks Involved: Werewolves
Bangs Per Book: 1
Did You Feel Dirty For Reading This?: Not at all. The books are getting more plot heavy and less sexy werewolf as they go on. The sex between the two married main characters is mostly just a sidenote to keep showing how strong their relationship is. I’m enjoying these books more now since they’re now building up to a much bigger plot and aren’t so focused on little things. Kitty has always been a strong and interesting character but I enjoy her more when the emphasis is on her taking control and solving her problems rather than flirting and trying not to fall into typical tropes for the genre.

Title: Sir Apropos Of Nothing
Author: Peter David
Book in the Series: Book 1 in the Sir Apropos of Nothing series
Page Number: 6
Scale Of Realistic Detail: 4, there’s not much detail about the sex in the book given until you get to the gross ones. There’s way too much detail given to the rape of his mother and accidentally banging his sister.
Is Anyone Involved A Virgin?: Not in the first bang but there’s a detailed account later of the main character losing his virginity and then of the main love interest losing hers to him.
Is Anyone Involved A Magical Creature?: No. Later on in the book there is a small aside about female harpies having sex with lepers so that’s a thing.
Is It Consensual: Yes. There are later instances of rape in the book (way too many) though.
Is It A Plot Device: The first bang isn’t but oh boy, most of the ones after that are. It’s a weird pattern that almost all of the sex in this book seems pointless and brutal for no reason and then somehow becomes a lynchpin in the plot later.
Kinks Involved: exhibitionism, gang bang, pregnancy, banging next to your mother’s corpse (there’s not a good word for that and it happens twice), interspecies, and some incest to top it all off.
Bangs Per Book: 8
Did You Feel Dirty For Reading This?: Yes, extremely. I have never wanted to punch a main character in the face so much and was actually rooting for more harm to come to him whenever he got his ass kicked. Aside from that this book and the sex and sexuality in it disgusted me. There was a lot of emphasis put on how that main character’s mother was a “whore”, a lot more than was necessary. Probably about the first quarter of the book is dedicated to her sexual history, her getting raped repeatedly, and the main character calling her a whore and being ashamed of her. There is only one female character in the whole book who isn’t shown as being duplicitous or crazy (usually those traits are attached to them through their sexual exploits too which is extra gross) and she’s depicted as a magical out of your reach love interest. This book was not fun or enjoyable, it was gross and full of itself.

Title: A Game Of Thrones
Author: George R. R. Martin
Book in the Series: Book 1 of A Song Of Ice And Fire
Page Number: 58
Scale Of Realistic Detail: 4, There’s not too much detail in any of the sex scenes in the book but they usually just involve a vague description followed by the man rolling off so that’s pretty accurate.
Is Anyone Involved A Virgin?: Nope, House Stark gets the first bang in the book and they’ve definitely been banging before this.
Is Anyone Involved A Magical Creature?:Nope
Is It Consensual: Yes. There’s a lot of banging in this book and aside from the Dothraki scenes most of the sex is consensual.
Is It A Plot Device: No
Kinks Involved: Throughout the book there’s rape, incest, and a gang bang although I hate listing them in this category
Bangs Per Book: 12 confirmed and noted bangs. There’s a lot more hinted at but no way to get a count on them. For instance it’s made a big deal of how Khal Drogo and Daenerys bang every night but there’s no way to count how many nights there are and that would be taking this whole thing way too far.
Did You Feel Dirty For Reading This?: Surprisingly not as much as I expected to. I was nervous about reading this series because of a lot of warnings I had gotten about the way women are treated in it. Those are warnings are definitely true. There is a lot of violence against women in this book and it seems impossible to go three pages without a female character being called weak of being reminded of how little agency they have in this world. As for the sex and sexuality in this book most of it is so vaguely described so far that it’s inoffensive the only parts that made me feel creepy were how that streak of not giving much detail is broken for one specific character who gets way too much detail, Daenerys. All of the sex scenes involving her are given a lot more detail, in some cases it seems just so the author can explain that she’s into it too which would be gross on it’s own but considering the character is 14 it gets really icky really fast. I’m not really looking forward to the other books since I know it’s just going to get worse from here. The only thing I was really surprised about was how low the bang count seemed for an 800 page book.

Oh and just for this series since I know people will ask:
House Stark: 1 House Lannister: 2 House Targaryen: 7 (the other two were Dothraki)

Title: Trick Of The Light
Author: Rob Thurman
Book in the Series: Book 1 in the Trickster Series
Page Number: 332
Scale Of Realistic Detail: 2? This is one that I normally would feel conflicted about counting. It happens off page and there’s no real description of the act itself but the two characters do enter a bar and loudly proclaim that they’re “doing it” so I think it counts.
Is Anyone Involved A Virgin?: No? It’s hinted that both characters have had previous experience but it’s never explicitly stated.
Is Anyone Involved A Magical Creature?: Oh man yes… former angel and former demon. There’s some confusion on whether or not they’re classified as Peri’s now. So that’s potentially three semi magical identities in one relationship.
Is It Consensual: Yes. The book goes out of it’s way to explain to us that it’s the character who had just gained free will who initiated the relationship so that’s a nice touch.
Is It A Plot Device: Nope, just two bros finally realizing they’re more than bros.
Kinks Involved: I’m pretty sure gay angel and demon is a kink all in itself but I don’t want to look up what that may be called.
Bangs Per Book: 1
Did You Feel Dirty For Reading This?: No. Rob Thurman’s work is always a quick pleasant read with a few good twists in there. Even though her characters have sexual relationships (and talk about it a lot) the writing focuses more on the emotional relationships between the characters and how they’re built up over time.